Saturday, April 3, 2010

First Page Blogfest ala Kelly

I'm joining the party a little late, but I wanted to join Kelly's first page blogfest. For more information and to read the others, see Kelly's Compositions.

Here goes nothing...my first page:

“A girl has never won.” He winked. “Yet.”

Her father's words rang in her head as Kate Anderson inhaled her favorite smells. The scent of freshly mowed grass was the strongest, but with a deep breath she could pick out a hint of the rose hips that grew wild at the property line. She walked to the edge of the tee box and bent to pluck a handful of crab grass. It was easy to pretend it was lush and green, not brown and dry. Coming back to the patch of dirt where the ball sat on wooden tee, she threw the grass into the air. The blades fluttered down gently to her left side. She'd have to adjust her swing to account for the breeze.

No problem.

The wind would be the least of her worries if she wanted to qualify make the cut. No matter what her dad said, there was no chance she could win.
Kate swung the club back and forth a few times to loosen up. The graphite shaft of the driver glinted in the early morning sun. This club was the beauty her dad saved for the best customers, hoping they would plunk down $600 for the privilege of owning one just like it.

She glanced up at the flag waving from the green, teasing her. She looked down at the ball as she brought the club back. In one smooth motion, her body twisted to follow the trajectory of the ball. Her heel came off the ground as the shiny club connected. Kate loved the deep metallic thwang it made. No wonder her dad saved it for the big spenders. The ball soared out across the brook, over the hill that sloped down toward the first green, and landed out of sight.

“And the crowd goes wild!” Kate bowed to her imaginary fans. She couldn’t help smiling as she rested the club on the ground and leaned on it. Maybe, she could qualify for the Championship. “Stupid,” she said a second later, smashing the club on the ground. For a moment she had forgotten she’d have to hit like that in front of people if she didn’t want to go down in flames.

23 comments:

Kelly Lyman said...

I love her voice. I love how she is confident- she has spunk and spirit which is great to see. I also like how it seems that she has a good relationship with her father. Thanks for participating.

Tara said...

I like the voice in this so much. And the hints of relationship with her father. Nice job :)

Kris said...

Thanks Kelly and Tara -- I'm just noticing that my first page doesn't mention the other main plot point...the boy! He shows up on page 2...maybe I need to bring him in sooner!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

You can only do so much in the first page, Kris. You've done an excellent job of connecting the reader with Kate, of making the reader care about her cares, and of having the reader {and hopefully, the agent} want to turn the page. I know I did.

Thanks for your kind words about my first page. And as I said about your first one, there is only so much you can put onto a first page. By the end of the first chapter, you see that the conflict will come with Samuel's refusal to stand on the sidelines. His actions will set into motion the conflict with nature, humans, and non-humans. Thanks for taking the time to write and care. Have a healing weekend, Roland

Kris said...

You're right Roland! You can't bring everything in at the beginning. Thanks for reminding me of that - and putting things in perspective. Thank you for your kind comments.

Kristin said...

Oh, Kris, I love the voice. The description is beautiful. And I want to know if she can win.

bryan-sabol said...

Very nice imagery: my favorite is the blades of grass fluttering down to the ground. You give a clear picture, then it suddenly becomes purposeful: Kate's checking the direction of the wind.

Tina Laurel Lee said...

You have such a clear confident voice! i love the detail of the club that her dad saves for show. And what is at stake is pretty clear!

Kris said...

Thank you Kristin, Bryan, and Tina! This has been through a lot of revisions - I appreciate you guys taking the time to look at it! I hope to be ready to query in the next couple months!

TerryLynnJohnson said...

oh, I agree with Tina. Nice clear voice. And love how the writing is fluid like the swing of a golf club. Nicely done.

This blogfest is so great to find new writing friends!

Thank you for your suggestion - I thought I had read every dogsledding book written, but I've never heard of Baby.

Ann Marie Wraight said...

Basically every one else has made the comments that I would make about a strong, determined voice and the fluid language and clear imagery.

It's SO clear that I feel the passage about how Kate swings with the club has taught me how to hit a golf ball. Bravo Kris!

maybe genius said...

Great scene setting. I got that she was golfing almost immediately, just by the description and environment you chose to portray. This is a fun page :)

Kris said...

Thanks TerryLynn, Ann Marie, and Genius for stopping by! I'm so glad you like Kate's voice and the scene.

TL - you're welcome! I've been trying find golf books with no luck. If you find one, let me know!

Aubrie said...

Hi Kristine! Great first page. I love the first sentence and how you start right away with dialog.

I'm a writer in New England as well (NH) and I write some YA and some adult that could be YA. I'm following your blog :)

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Hi, Kris, I put up a new post on my blog. Thought it might tickle your fancy. If not, send me a cyber black eye. But I have to warn you : I'll duck! Roland

roxy said...

Loved the first line. I liked the flow and the character's voice. Great first page!

Julie Dao said...

I really like your character! She seems confident and quirky and fun. This was really great, I would definitely read on.

Kaylie said...

Hi. I came over from Shooting Stars. I really like your first page. I don't have much to criticize. I like how you drop us right into the action, and then step back to paint the scene and add suspense.

Kris said...

I just want to thank everyone who took the time to comment. Thank you! It feels all warm and fuzzy here today! I'm a bit overwhelmed with revisions, so it's nice to hear some positives!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

I know how it is to be overwhelmed with revisions. You can feel swamped and eventually doubtful of the merit of what you are writing.

You have talent. It shows. Keep your head up and fingers typing. Hang in there.

I've done another post on my blog. Come down and check it out :
http://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/
Roland

Tina Lynn said...

Nicely done. Now I really want to know what's going to happen in the contest. You have a wondrous command of description. "...the blades fluttered down gently..." Beautiful.

Kris said...

Thanks so much, Tina and Roland!

Kelly said...

Go Kate! I love determined, driven characters!