More Kissing in the Rain

Clearly, we like kissing scenes. :)

My post popular post on this blog is called Kissing in the Rain, from Valentine's Day, 2012. It gets about 50 hits a week, presumably from Google searches. The excerpt is from my YA novel THE SWEET SPOT, which is under revision with my agent.

Soooo, I thought you might like the following excerpt, from "Stella's Hero," a short story in TIMELESS: AN ANTHOLOGY OF YOUNG ADULT ROMANCE (from Pugalicious Press) written by me and my writing partner, Ansha Kotyk. It's also a kissing-in-the-rain scene. Enjoy!

 ***

She would never see Jie again. She would never see his smile or touch his beautiful face. Knowing these things made her steps even heavier. For a brief moment, she thought about walking to the waterfront. It would be easy in this weather to just keep walking. Into the harbor. No one would miss her. All the pain would be gone. Her dress, heavy and wet, would help her sink into oblivion. She began to cry tears of frustration, anger and remorse. Someone grabbed her arm from behind.

Fear gripped her heart. She wrenched free and ran as fast as she could in her sopping skirts.

“Stella!” Jie's voice. Desperate and hoarse.

She stopped but couldn't turn around. A million emotions coursed through her. Relief. Joy. Anger.

His warm hand rested on her shoulder as he turned her to face him.“Stella.” He was out of breath, but he looked determined. “I couldn’t live without...”

She searched his eyes. He leaned toward her and kissed her softly on the lips. An explosion of emotion seared her brain as she pressed her body against his.

He pulled away. “You understand what this would mean?” His eyes met hers, asking her.

“Sometimes you have to give up comfortable living for your dreams,” she said, putting her arms around his neck and pulling him close. She kissed him again, his arms closing around her waist. Nothing in this world was going to take him away from her again. She wouldn’t let anyone tell her this wasn’t right.

And when the kiss ended and the rain fell between them, Jie held her hand tightly. “My whole neighborhood will know about this in an hour’s time. There is no going back. Are you sure this is what you want, Stella Thompson?”

She nodded. “Always. This is what I’ve always wanted. I just didn’t know it until now.” 

***

You can read the whole piece and six other short stories in TIMELESS: AN ANTHOLOGY OF YOUNG ADULT ROMANCE.  Available through Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Point of View

After reading this great post--here--on point of view on the SF Signal blog, I wanted to blog about it myself.

This is a great article describing the three different points (first, second, third) of view in writing: http://suite101.com/article/points-of-view-a24900

I've just finished a complete rewrite of my WIP, taking it from third person past tense, to first person present tense. While the plot remained basically the same, the POV shift required me to touch every sentence.

When I started the story, I couldn't write it in first person. It was too close to my personal experience. Too personal. Too much inside my own head. I was so afraid it would be too much like baring my soul.

But you know what? The story really needed to be told in first. And once I had the story out of my head in third person, I realized I could write it in first.

And I didn't realize it until I started this rewrite. I'd dragged my feet until it was absolutely clear. Staring me in the face. Kate needed to tell her own story.

To my surprise, it also came out in present tense. That part wasn't my intention, and I'm less confident about it. But sometimes you have to go with what your gut is telling you to do. I hope I've been able to make the story more immediate. More relevant.

How do you know? You don't always. I got my agent with the story written in third. I know plenty of people who've revised to first after getting an agent or contract on a book written in third.

Write the story the way it comes out of you. You can always revise. And while it IS daunting to stare down a 75K word rewrite, you do it one word, one sentence at a time. Until you're done.

What POV do you like to write in?

Diving in again...

So I'm diving back into my YA novel...yeah, the same one. I love it. I'm committed to it. I'm ready to revise again to make it the best it can be. I really want you all to have the chance to meet Kate and Scott and the gang.

I've revised the first chapter. It starts in a different place. I'm eliminated a main character (boy, was THAT hard) and I'm re-envisioning many scenes. Trying to up the tension, make the supporting characters more real, and make the plot more seamless, rather than split into three sections.

I'm in the middle of chapter two. I've got a long way to go. But it feels good. Wish me luck.

R is for Revision

I've been working on agent revisions for my novel the last few weeks. It's been wonderful, exciting, terrifying, scary, and unbelievable--all at the same time. My novel is 20 times better than it was two months ago. I'm forever grateful to Vickie Motter for her enthusiasm and her suggestions for some necessary additions.

One thing I found really helpful during this round was creating a scene inventory. Organized person, I am not--have I mentioned that before? Sitting down and tracking each chapter, the characters in each chapter, what happens, and the date on which it happens, has been something I've avoided like the plague.

But guess what? Making a scene inventory helped. It helped me add some things into my timeline that needed to be added. It helped me stretch out some drama that needed to be stretched out. It helped me see where I needed to go with several difficult scenes.

I went bare bones--just used an excel spread sheet. But I bet you could get fancy if you needed to. :)

I is for...Inspiration

Sometimes you research. Sometimes you make it up from scratch. Sometimes you might get inspiration from the most mundane things.

When I was writing THE SWEET SPOT, I mostly relied on my memory for the setting. I remembered the touch and feel of the building and the grounds. The smell of the golf course in the morning. The intangibles. Things I loved and things I hated about growing up on a small golf course in central Massachusetts. I hope I've been able to translate those sensations into words, so my readers will feel like they're there. At my golf course. A golf course that only exists in my memory. The golf course my parents operated when I was a teenager is still there, but it's been completely remodeled and no longer exists in the same way. That big tree on the right? Not there anymore.

When I was working on the final (and I use final loosely here) draft, I came across an old score card dating back to the early 1980s. It gave me the idea to use golf terms for my chapter titles.  And it reminded me of the old building. Just reminiscing here folks. What do you use for inspiration?

The Evolution of a Query Letter

I sent my first query letter on June 4, 2010.  It's not terrible. But hey, it was my first query letter so it wasn't perfect. And I should disclose that I got two full requests out of this first query (well, not out of the ACTUAL first one sent, but this version). Here's how I started:

My YA novel, THE SWEET SPOT, is a realistic contemporary sports novel combining competitive junior golf with a touch of romance.  I am hoping it will appeal to your love of sports and interest in young adult fiction.

The first line? Blah. While true, it doesn't tell the agent anything about the book. Or me. Or why they should even read past the first paragraph.This particular sentence was personally directed at an agent who had indicated that he likes sports stories--not a bad idea to personalize if you have something that feels like a solid connection to make.

Second, third, and fourth (!?!) paragraphs tell the agent what the story is about. Here's my chance to sell my book. BORING! Where's the voice? What's fun and exciting about my story?

Fifteen-year old Kate Anderson wants two things this summer: to play in the Massachusetts Junior State Championship and to turn Scott Turner from her best friend into her boyfriend. As one of the only girls playing competitively, making the cut for the championship won’t be easy. But if she does, the publicity might be enough to get her parents’ failing golf course back on its feet. Unfortunately, golf is a game of focus, and Kate has a hard time tuning out the distractions. Her number one distraction? Scott Turner.

 

During a tournament early in the season, a sudden downpour leaves her t-shirt soaked and Kate exposed in front of Justin Foley and his leering posse. Like a knight in tan khakis, Scott gives her the shirt off his back and she’s able to finish the match, modesty intact. Angry at them for embarrassing him the same afternoon, Justin threatens revenge. Confidence soaring, Kate starts to find her stride regardless of Justin Foley and his threats. When two British exchange students start working for her dad, Kate is positive they’ll finally have the manpower to get the golf course ready to host the championship qualifier. But, days before the tournament, two of the greens are hit by vandals and “the smoking blowtorch” is found in Scott’s backseat.

 

If the championship committee relocates the qualifier to another golf course, Kate loses her home-course advantage and Willow Bend loses its chance to host. If Scott isn’t cleared of the vandalism, he stands to lose a lot more. Kate is sure that Justin Foley is the vandal; she just needs to prove it. And then prove to Scott that they belong together.

It's too long. Too much detail. Not enough about WHAT THE BOOK IS REALLY ABOUT. It's too much synopsis and not enough back-cover-copy. Where are the stakes for the main character--they're sort of there, but it could be soooo much stronger.

The Knight in Tan Khakis, a short story excerpt of THE SWEET SPOT, was published in Golfer Girl Magazine in December 2008. In addition, my middle grade non-fiction Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn: All About the Earth Signs for Capstone Press was released in January 2010. I have recently completed two additional non-fiction titles for Capstone scheduled for release sometime in 2011.

 

Throughout my teen years, my parents owned a golf course in central Massachusetts. Though not a memoir, this novel is loosely based on my experiences playing a lot of golf with boys as a teenager.

 

THE SWEET SPOT is complete at 68K words.  I’ve included the first five pages at the bottom of this email. Would you be interested in seeing the full manuscript?

This part didn't actually change much from Query #1 to Query # 67. It's solid, I think. 

This is the query letter that my agent actually read and ended up signing me from: 

With the family golf course on the verge of bankruptcy, Kate needs to be the first girl to win the Junior State Championship to draw the crowds back, but her plans are derailed when her best friend and crush is accused of vandalizing the course with a blowtorch.

I started with my hook this time. I didn't have any personal nugget about Vickie--just that she liked contemporary and she had a rocking blog for writers. And personal detail hadn't really paid off before, so I started with what I thought was my strongest hook about the book.

For fifteen-year-old Kate, being the first girl to win the Junior State Championship means more than bragging rights or a college scholarship. The gigantic media blitz that comes with it might draw the crowds back to her family’s almost-bankrupt golf course. But golf is a game of focus and Kate’s distractions are mounting by the day: the hotshot bully; a pair of Brits her dad hires for the summer; and the sweetest distraction of all, her best friend Scott.

When vandals torch part of the golf course and the cops find the “smoking blowtorch” in Scott’s car, it rocks Kate’s world—first Scott withdraws from her and then she finds out the family might lose the prestige of hosting a major tournament.  She suspects her friends, stakes out the bad guy, and gets her hands dirty for the first time in her life to prove Scott’s innocence and guarantee the course is repaired in time.  Maybe then Kate can tune out the distractions and prove she can play to win.

The three paragraphs from Query #1 were condensed into two MUCH stronger paragraphs about the story.  Shows the stakes for Kate.

Though not a memoir, THE SWEET SPOT is inspired by my experience growing up on my family's golf course in central Massachusetts.  It wasn't always easy being the only girl playing golf competitively in the area, but it was fun!

The Knight in Tan Khakis, a short story excerpt of THE SWEET SPOT, was published in Golfer Girl Magazine in December 2008. My elementary non-fiction TAURUS, VIRGO & CAPRICORN: ALL ABOUT THE EARTH SIGNS for Capstone Press was released in January 2010. OUR SUN, STARS, and WHO REALLY DISCOVERED AMERICA with Capstone were all published in January 2011.  I have completed two additional titles for their fall 2011 catalog.

THE SWEET SPOT is a contemporary YA novel complete at 68K words and available for your immediate review should you be interested.  This is a simultaneous submission.  Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

So there you have it, the Evolution of a Successful Query Letter. Any comments?

The Sweet Spot - synopsis

THE SWEET SPOT
Synopsis
By Kristine Carlson Asselin

Fifteen-year-old Kate Anderson wants two things at the beginning of the summer: to qualify for the Massachusetts Junior Golf Championship and to convince Scott Turner he belongs with her. As one of the only girls competing, making the cut won’t be easy; even though her family’s golf course is hosting the Qualifier. Unfortunately, golf is a game of focus, and Kate can’t tune out the distractions. Her number one distraction? Scott Turner, her sixteen-year-old co-worker and best friend.

The first big tournament of the season gives Kate a chance to scope out the competition. Unfortunately, a sudden downpour leaves her t-shirt soaked and Kate exposed in front of golf hot-shot Justin Foley and his leering posse. Scott literally gives her the shirt off his back and she finishes the match, modesty intact. Scott embarrasses Justin during the banquet, and he threatens revenge.

Exasperating to Kate, Scott doesn’t seem interested in changing their relationship until her dad’s business partner hires two British exchange students. Soon after the Brits arrive and move into a camper in the back yard, they invite Scott and Kate to play cards. Offended by a suggestive remark made by Giles, Kate leaves. Scott stumbles after her and tries to kiss her, but she refuses because he’s been drinking. For the first time, she doesn’t feel safe with him.

Nevertheless, the next day Kate worries if Scott made it home safely. By the time he shows up for work, sheepish and apologetic, Kate has forgotten all about being angry because overnight the eighth green was hit with a blowtorch. Repairs have barely begun when the fifth green is torched the following night. The damage is so bad they risk the tournament committee deciding to relocate the Qualifier.

When a blow torch is discovered in Scott’s car, he is arrested. Kate knows he’s innocent and plans to confront Justin Foley but, before she does, Giles brags about causing the damage! Kate is dumbfounded. The greens keeper overhears everything and fires Giles on the spot.

Scott is vindicated and Kate thinks the obstacles are behind them. But, he tells a broken-hearted Kate he wants to be “just friends.” While they’re arguing the finer points of his logic, Kate is almost whacked by a hard-driven golf ball hit by Justin Foley. After another misunderstanding, Scott apologizes and tells her he wants them to be together. Kate, frustrated and hurt, tells him he’s lost his chance.

With two days to go, the tournament chairperson declares course adequate to host. Kate’s dad’s business partner and friend arrives to oversee final preparations and when pressed, admits to hiring the Brits to cause trouble in hopes the business would fail so he could sell his share. Faced with the reality of this betrayal, Kate realizes that trust and friendship – like what she has with Scott – are more important than winning.

The day of the Qualifier dawns and Kate finds out that Justin Foley is in her foursome. By now, she knows he can’t hurt her. She’s learned to focus on her priorities. Her family will survive and she’ll make them proud, whether she qualifies for the Championship or not. Even though things don’t turn out exactly the way she imagined at the beginning of the summer, she finds the sweetest spot in the world: inside her own skin (and holding Scott Turner’s hand!)