Wrap Up: Gay Parents in YA Lit

So I wanted to write a wrap up post for this week, explaining why the presence of gay parents (or gay characters) in books for kids is so important to me. And I’ve been thinking about it, and thinking about it. It’s more than just an underrepresented group not getting their due attention. I love a good book, and I love when a good book highlights “real” characters in believable situations.

I think, partly, my interest in gay rights dates back to a time in my career about 15 years ago. I was a fledgling student affairs professional at a prestigious university in the greater Boston area, enjoying my daily bantering with students. 

At the beginning of the year, a young man named Robert spent a few afternoons with me planning the annual GLBT Halloween Party. It was going to be a huge bash, and it required tons of paperwork, police detail, DJ, decorations, costumes, food requisitions. The whole nine yards. But Robert worked through all the bureaucracy with an earnest dedication. He walked across campus and got all the signatures he needed. He loved a good party and was excited about the event—and I loved working with students with his kind of energy and follow-through. The GLBT dance always attracted hundreds of kids; gay and straight and transgendered and undecided. I was looking forward to it myself.

In hindsight, Robert had an edge. There was always a hint of self-deprecation about him. But I was young and didn’t see anything more than an attractive, confident young man with loads of friends. The university where I worked was very liberal—tolerant of different lifestyles, fashions, & religions. Maybe there was bigotry under the surface, but I didn’t see it. 

About a week before the big dance, Robert’s roommate found him hanging in his dorm room. I could not, nor could anyone who knew him, rationalize the smart, good-looking, kind-hearted boy with one who would take his own life. But obviously there were troubles in his life no one knew. And one day, it must have just gotten too hard to hide it.

I knew many other gay students in my time as a student activities professional. And for some reason, I always felt much more protective of them than I did with their straight counterparts. Maybe, in part, because of what happened to Robert. It’s not easy, but I’ve actually asked people if they were thinking about suicide—I’d rather embarrass myself than know I could have done something but didn’t. Sometimes they're grateful you care. Sometimes they never speak to you again.

It makes me so angry that our society can’t guarantee basic rights for the gay community that straight members of our community take for granted. I’m so happy to see that books for young people are finally starting to reflect real lifestyles, real cultures, real families, and real kids.

I think about Robert occasionally. I hope he found a place where he doesn’t have to pretend to be something he’s not. And I hope that the books that we profile in this series find their way into the hands of kids like him, and help make a difference in their lives.

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